


i want you here

by keepthekettleon



Series: Post 2x18 Malec Feels [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Canon Compliant, Hurt Alec, Hurt No Comfort, I Want You Here, M/M, Song Lyrics, but does Alec know, post 2x18, we know it's not a breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 10:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11689536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepthekettleon/pseuds/keepthekettleon
Summary: Magnus leaves and Alec is left to pick up the pieces.Post 2x18. Inspired by "When things get crazy, don't push me away." and the fact that Alec always said "I love you" first.Song: I Want You Here - PlumbI am sorry.





	i want you here

inspired by [this](https://lightwoodbanesass.tumblr.com/post/163729699019/lukegarrobane-requested-by-softbimagnus) and [this](http://magnusearcuff.tumblr.com/post/163730032478/ludi-lin-alec-lightwood-i-love-you) _  
_

_an ache so deep_  
_that i can hardly breathe_  
_this pain can’t be imagined_  
_will it ever heal?_

He can’t breathe. He just stands there and tries to swallow, tries to force down the lump that starts to form in his throat, tries to blink away the tears that spring to his eyes, because no, this isn’t supposed to happen. Magnus isn’t supposed to go. Ales isn’t supposed to be the one who is left behind.

Blink.

Swallow.

Blink.

Swallow again.

Keep the tears at bay. Don’t let anyone see how much it hurts.

But the door of the elevator closes and as soon as Magnus is out of sight, the tears fall. It’s not pretty. It’s not silent tears rolling down his cheeks. It’s ugly and heartbreaking as the sobs force their way out of his throat. But it’s quiet. Everything is quiet. Because Magnus is gone. And he’s not coming back.

 _i wanna scream_  
_is this a dream?_  
_how could this happen_  
_happen to me?_

Alec locks the door to his room and slides down onto the floor, his back against the door. The tears still flow freely and occasionally, a sob escapes his lips. _When things get crazy, don’t push me away…_ Magnus’ voice rings in his ears and he almost laughs. Because isn’t that was Magnus just did? It’s crazy and difficult and… and Magnus is gone.

And Alec is tired. So fucking tired. Of being Head of the Institute. Of always trying to do his best and still fucking everything up. Of loving Magnus and it still not being enough. They love each other, so why isn’t that enough? Why isn’t that enough?!

He’s always said it first. Every single time. _I love you._ He’s always been the one to initiate it. He always wanted to make sure that Magnus knew. He loves Magnus. And Magnus still left.

 _this isn’t fair_  
_this nightmare_  
_this kind of torture_  
_i just can’t bear_

The hole in his chest seems to be growing by the second. _amor vincit omnia._ Love conquers all. Apparently not.

“I love you. I love you, Magnus.” He whispers into the empty room. His voice breaks at the name. “I love you.” Again and again, just those three words, whispered into the darkness of his room. No one to hear them, no one to listen at the confessions of his broken heart. Because no matter what happens, there is one truth that his heart knows. “I love you, Magnus.” It starts as a whisper, but it gets louder the with every repetition. “I love you. I love you.” And Alec sinks his teeth into his fist to muffle the desperate cries until he can’t stand it anymore and yells it, screams it into his pillow. “I fucking love you, Magnus Bane!” And the tears fall again. Sobs wrack his body and he curls up under the blanket. “I need you, Magnus. How am I supposed to do this without you?”

 _i want you here_  
_i want you here_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for breaking your hearts like that, but I'm PMS'ing and that's what happens when I get my PMS muse strikes. Feelings. And that's what I do to deal with them.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated.
> 
> Would you want me to do a Magnus-centric chapter too?


End file.
